adrian_turtle

I've been to Arisia 5 times in the last 7 years. This means I have more experience of Arisia than of any other single con, and am approaching more experience with Arisia than all other cons put together. I am a barbarian: I don't know what are the customs of my tribe, what are the laws of the universe, and what are the coincidences of the last few years.

I like some things very much (the company can be splendid), but I usually need to run away before the end of the con. Those fast-setting polymer resins people use to cast fangs, or pointy ears, or other decorative bits...the vapors they give off are a powerful migraine trigger for me. A lot of people doing that kind of thing in a badly-ventilated space is a disaster for me, even if each person working in a hotel room on the corridor of costumers, or the dealers' row, was thinking, "Oh, this will only take a few minutes; nobody will notice."

This year, I'm going to be very defensive about this. I won't go to an event or do any shopping or hanging out in an area that smells suspicious or feels uncomfortable. In the past, I avoided the worst areas, but spent time in adjacent spaces because I didn't want to miss so much of the con...I didn't want to avoid so many function rooms, or refuse to go into a friend's hotel room because it was on the same floor as the dealers.

Tomorrow is my follow-up appointment with the neurologist. Yesterday, I was checking with my regular doctor's office, that the referral from last year is still good, and the receptionist asked me, "Why are you going out of network?" I took a breath before rattling off my standard explanation of why this particular neurologist, with his peculiar combination of specialties, seems uniquely likely to be able to help me. (Or uniquely unlikely to make one problem worse while attempting to treat the other.) Then I paused and said simply: "I'm not going out of network. He's listed in my HMO. I'm allowed to see him." Oh. Ok.

Damn obstructionist HMO breaks down into little subsets. While a patient is allowed to see any doctor in the entire HMO, when a doctor refers a patient to a specialist, both doctors are supposed to be in the same subset. Unless you can show nobody in the subset can help you. I really like my primary care dr, but I considered ditching him, and changing to a primary dr in the subset that connects to the specialist of interest.

I really hope this guy can help. I am sick and tired of these weird seizure-like symptoms, and the normal EEGs, and the extreme sensitivity to flashing lights. I want to be able to drive without being terrified. (Well, maybe not in Massachusetts.) After waiting so long and dealing with so many clueless(*) doctors, I'm afraid I have freighted this appointment with far too much expectation. I don't know how to be cautious and sensible anymore.

(*) Clueless sometimes in the usual sense of the "clueless doctor" who used to be a "damn premed." Someone who can't think and doesn't see any particular need for it, when there's so much convenient arrogance and prejudice to hand. But also sometimes clueless like my lovely primary care doctor, who tries everything he can think of and shrugs sadly when none of it works, frustrated that he can't think of anything else that might help.